Patterns - Controlling, Manipulating, Undermining, Disempowering or just being very Difficult
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One of the easiest ways to work out how much you (or another person) is in a grown-up place, at any particular moment, is to feel the intensity, the force behind the words or actions that tell you if they are PYRO, aimed outwards, at the other person, trying to “make” that person respond.
A person in STAR or WING can still express powerful emotions, their energy level can be strong and very firm but they won’t be “revving their engine” like a PYRO kid. They will be emphasising what they are feeling inside not projecting their energy outwards. Never slinging CMUD.
First look at the intensity level and whether the focus is about doing, thinking, choosing or being
Next, tune in to the words that tell you how much you (or another person) is in a grown-up place, at that particular moment.