Patterns - Controlling, Manipulating, Undermining, Disempowering or just being very Difficult

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WARNING

Never label who they are  

Label only what they do and that’s trying to

Control you, Manipulate you Undermine or Unbalance you, Disempower you, or just being very very Difficult

Inventory  - CMUD slingers and what they try to do

Clearly Controlling Patterns - People who:

* control by being bossy, pushy, arrogant, superior

* use threats, rage, anger or high intensity to control others. Adrenaline and drama addicts.

* use real power or force to control

*  act like a bossy parent, criticise, judge, punish you (or all three)

* know better than you what’s best for you (paternalism) see note below

Manipulating Patterns - People who:

* deliberately create an imbalance of power, in their favour

* exploit others to serve their own agenda, or for their benefit alone.

* break promises, take 90%  and give 10%, offer lousy deals

* use your guilt, blame or shame to disempower you and increase their control

Undermining and Disempowering - People who:

* fight to be right every time, can’t be wrong

* negative label  “You are .... You never ... You always ... You aren’t .... You wont ...

*  undermine you, put you down to make it easier for them pinch more of your power

* get angry with you when they make a mistake

* use narcissistic type behaviour patterns (NBP)

*  play games. Amateur psychologists, diagnosing others “You have a problem ....”

* believe they are so superior they are entitled to special treatment.

Blockers Avoiders and Distancers - People who:

• Refuse to discuss issues. “The matter is closed”

• Prevent contact or communication as a way of controlling others (this is not the same as a boundary)

* Defend, and defend, and defend. Over-explain, over-analyse, over-justify. Endless anecdotes or examples. All help block their realty and yours too.

Dishonest,  Destructive,  Defraud - People who:

* intentionally cheat, lie, steal or act dishonestly

* see themselves as winners when they helped make somebody else have a loss. (sporting  syndrome) The more wrong you are, the more right they feel inside.

* destroy what others have created (sand-castle syndrome)

Just plain Difficult - People who:

* are very hard to get on with

* are obstinate, won’t change or just do whatever is the opposite, back to front thinking

* are even more interested in making you wrong than being right themselves

*  have blocked out their feelings (zero empathy)

*  prefer long unresolved arguments to win-win negotiated solutions

*  are too young emotionally

Victim-Control Patterns - which make controlling and manipulating easier for them. People who are:

* role playing, fake drama, suffering as a tragic or  unjust victim

* too sad, too sorry, too sore, too wounded, too hurt, too negative. Glass half empty.

*  focussing on your faults, your blame or shame to increase control or force you to change the way they want. “You never .... You don’t ...”

* highlight symptoms of the problem, but avoid discussing a solution.

*  always looking in the rear view mirror (the past) avoid the present, avoid looking at the future.

Avoid facing Power and control issues people who:

*  have blocked out their feelings (zero empathy)  

*  are hurting too much inside  

* get angry with themselves when they make a mistake

Other difficult people who:

* are stuck in an addictive cycle

* play as amateur lawyers, threaten legal action

* have been diagnosed with psychotic or severe and damaging psychiatric disorders

Let’s add some more. Your own  experiences with CMUD slingers:

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